wow. the hacker still uses that account
seriously how low can you get. I’m pretty sure I have a good idea of who is managing that account, but really. I still can’t get over the fact that she still talks about how “annoying” I am. Now I know that it has nothing to do with me that fact that I was annoying, and it was just a bunch of stupid chicks. I’m just going to say this again, but a year can really change a person. I’ve changed. I dont expect you to know, because I dont even talk to you. Hence, dont go around saying I’m so annoying. You dont know me.. you never did know me…and you never will because you think i’m too annoying to talk to. True, she almost did “ruin” my life. Because of all that hate and all my problems last year, I was in a heck of a bad situation. you could say.. i was fucking depressed…depression leads to things that could end someone’s life. So next time, before you call someone a slut, a whore, a bitch, or tell someone to die…think. Do you really want her to die? Do you really want to push her so far that she kills herself? How would you beable to live with that feeling of guilt in your mind, that you drove someone to kill themselve? After you ask yourself those questions, and you still decide to tell someone to commit. I can congratulate you…you officially have no heart. Suicide does happen. It’s not for attention seeking and it does happen. It’s real.
single life
I really dont want to be single in this season right now. Maybe because I actually like someone from school this year. It’s christmas, It’s cold this year, there’s already snow in mid november…I want to cuddle and feel loved. I want to have someone who will listen in to all the shit in my life. I want him. I dont know what has gotten into me about him
if i were skinny.. if i were gorgeous
if i were skinny and if i were absolutely stunningly gorgeous,
i wouldnt be so awkward
i wouldnt be so scared to talk to guys
i wouldnt have to worry about so much shit
i wouldnt have to worry about being judge, cause we all know soceity today
i wouldnt have to be afraid of stupid shit
basically…i would live a better life
I really hate having these feelings…they are so distracting…is this what liking someone feels like….
this is the only place where i can let it all out so hear goes….
him. he’s starting to really get me. i dont know why i like him. i dont know why i keep thinking about him, hoping he’ll hit me up and hoping he’ll talk to me. It pisses me off since im so stupid, because i know he’s a total douchebag. I see him in the hallways and it’s just awkward. i’m too scared to talk to him..too shy to even look at him. fuck having feelings for a guy you know you can never be with
family. they always say family’s for life. well what happens when that breaks too :( my mom and my dad got witness papers signed today and the papers will be mailed out soon. like in a couple days. I cant believe this is where all this is actually going, i was hoping they’ll be back together and it just pains me. I miss having a whole family. i miss my mom. i miss my life a last year. I want her back. please. please god can you change all this back and bring her back to my family?
so sore
k im so sore all over…in karate yesterday, we did like practically wrestling but alot harder and alot rougher..i cant even move my arms..my neck hurts like fuck and my legs..i cant even
they dont understand
My friends just dont understand. No matter how caring they are, theyll never understand that feeling of scared I go through everyday.
Recently, our school had a dance and everyone was were booty shorts and all. I knew people would be in shorts so I decided to wear jean shorts. A week later, my friends were talking and one of my friends who was AT the dance and saw what I was wearing was like..”even stephanie wore shorts” and then the group of girls just kinda looked at me like..”stephanie…. i never knew you would so something like that”
But, they just dont understand..they dont understand my need to “fit in” and dress and look like the crowd. They’ve never gone through drama,..or bullying..they’ve never felt the stares of someone who hates you..they’ve never been scared to turn the corners of a school. theyve never been called a slut, a whore, not good enough, a bitch, ugly, fat..theyve never been told to commit or to kill themselves..theyve never been asked how your family can put up with you everyday.
They always say “always be yourself no matter what” but yenno, after a whole year of putting up with name calling and stares and chicks making pig noises whenever i walked by, It doesnt allow me to do that anymore. Im not a slut, im protecting myself from the words people can say about me. I’m trying to meet up to their standards so I dont have to hear the mean and hateful words again.
But even that…even that is hard
society these days, people these days, they dont let you do that do they? Wearing sweatpants all day last year„, i was known as “ugly”…wearing in fashion stuff and trying to look good this year.. im know as a slut. Accepting comments about how pretty i am, im a “bitch”. not accepting them, im an “attention seeking whore”
When all this bullying and shit first started, I was SURE i would not be affected by this and that I would stay strong and still think im beautiful. But after a while, words started getting into my brain. After constant messages of hate everywhere, it just starts to get to you and you dont feel so secure about yourself anymore. I always thought i was good looking. even though now i look back on pictures of me last year and i think i look absolutely blah, at the time, i thought i was good looking. but slowly my self confidence in my looks started getting smaller and smaller. and i ended thinking i look disgusting..thats when the makeup started coming in and the weightloss. I guess sometimes I could beable to thank these haters or else I wouldnt look the way i do now..and I would deffs want to look like me right now than before.
Even though i say that, it isnt as simple as a bit of weightloss and a bit of makeup, I went through family problems because of my changes, leading to my parent’s separation. Sometimes I would be ever so tempted to cut…and even once, i wanted to die. But luckily i pulled through and im stronger than before.
Im so stupid. Why must I like him..why must i think about him so often. What is it that makes HIM so special to me….I dont understand it and it pisses me off. He’s horny like everyday but when he’s not horny he’s a sweetheart. He’s not so great looking in the opinion of most of my other friends. But i think he’s pree cute. why why why why why. i feel so stupid. this morning when I checked my phone, there were 7 messages. I got so excited, because i kept thinking…maybe one of them is from him…but in the end, they were from facebook..and all i did was delete them. -.- stop being stupid stephanie..either text him yourself..or stop liking him.
Dont lead me on
dont fucking lead me on. Dont say that you “like” me and then stop talking to me for a week or so.
